The Unexpected. And then some.

I cannot believe that the beginnings of one of the encounters that would make a deep impression on my life was first noted in this blog. True, a wise man told me you have to make it a habit to expect the unexpected. And so far that has been my motto. Expectations can only do two things: give you soaring fits of ecstasy or punch you in the gut so hard you will be seeing whole galaxies in your pain, not just stars. Expectations, no matter how reasonable they may be, are just that. They happen, or they don't.

You can expect something to work out because nothing seems to be standing in the way. Then out of the blue everything changes, and you are left holding the broken pieces, wondering how the path that seemed to be so straight could take such as drastic turn in a direction that you never expected, much less even dreamed off.

Is it ok to expect? Even when things are going so well and you think that there is no way anything wrong will ever happen, they do. So the whole process of expecting, of anticipating that somewhere down the road you'll have your happy ending becasue you are seeing everything so clearly even from so far away, all of that was just a monumental waste of time, a huge distraction from the catastrophe that was just waiting to happen.

After a few months of giddy, intoxicated happiness came the crash. This must be what addicts call the 'come down'-- you come back down to earth, where the usual routine is the usual, and where you desperately seek the company of friends who are going through the same thing as you are-expecting the expected and the unexpected, only to be disappointed in the end. It is only now that I realize I have let go of that motto, that for a few months I crossed the other side of the road, where I spent every day for the last few months in happy anticipation. Of course, there were good days. And there were days when everything seemed so perfect I felt like I could honestly relate to all the love songs that talked of freezing time because they wanted nothing more than than to stay in that moment forever. But one day, in just one minute, one wrong word, a few lines of baseless accusations and words said in anger and confusion, and everything can go up in smoke and disappear in a few minutes like they were never even there.

I guess we all have to realize sometime that although it is good to expect, it is never good to expect TOO MUCH. At the least, we have to allow for a bit of leeway or flexibility in all our plans.

The Aftermath

Things that happen too much too fast can seem like a dream. You feel like your feet never touched the ground the whole time you were in that whirlwind of emotions, that vortex of happiness and giddiness and ultimate perfection that it is impossible to think of a time beyond it, that it can end and leave you broken, hurt, betrayed and disillusioned.
But that time has passed and after a whole lot of crying and soul searching the answer is clear: there is something out there, there is something beyond this. I will just have to wait for that time to come.

Highway10, Dumaguete

January 4 when I went to Bindoy and surprises of surprises I found my cousin home, all the way from the deserts of Dubai. I freaked out, she grinned, pleased with herself. We went to Dumaguete ( I had to go home the same day) and headed to Highway 10 for dinner. It was my first time there, and I was actually disappointed by the small tables.

The pizza was small... we ate 6 plates, I think. The chicken was good, though, but the iced tea tasted a little weird. One glass tasted like Lipton, while another glass would taste like Nestea...we speculated that they ran out of one brand and had to go buy another pack of iced tea...too bad for them, we drank iced tea like thirsty camels.

There was a guy playing the harp in a corner...it was the most odd thing, seeing someone playing the harp in a fast food place.

The man with the harp

Laura Herrera Bailado

Lola Alao

Laura Herrera Bailado. That's my lola, source of childhood terrors (she used to tell me that she would take my mom back to her house if I did not stop making 'pabuyag'), delicious warm breakfasts, and sweet nighttime lullabyes. She is now 94 years old, frail and weak, but she still manages to sing a song or two while clapping her hands every day. Every single day.

My lola is one strong woman. She was notorious for making my aunts and uncles climb into buri sacks as punishment. She would hang the sacks over the stove and allow the smoke to float over the sacks... pretty harsh. Today that would get someone thrown in jail. But back then, people were hanging their children over their stoves ALL THE TIME (I hope). It must have worked because today said aunts and uncles are all law-abiding citizens. And they all love her.

One of my regrets is that I don't get to see her as much as I should. I went back to her house last Christmas and she didn't recognize me. I can count the good days when things are clear for her, and she recognizes that I'm one of her grandchildren, at the least.

It is not very often that I make a post about my lola, and the two other 'older' people in my life. But its a new year, and I did not want to start the year ranting about myself, my resolutions, my wishes for the future, blah blah blah. So I'm doing a post about my lola instead, whom I love very much. Happy New Year, Lola.

Cannot Sleep

I've said my goodnights to online buddies and to my dogs, but it seems that tonight is not meant to be spent in bed. I cannot sleep, despite the fact that my eyes are hurting like there's no tomorrow and the palpitations are at it again. I tried going back to work, since I have church and two deadlines tomorrow, but my fingers keep pressing the Friendster button on my toolbar. Everyone's asleep on the YM end. It seems that I'm the only one who's awake... crap. I have to be up and perky for Manny's fight tomorrow!!! This will not do!

Searching for Tambobo

We stopped by a few resorts along the way to Tambobo Bay. One, Kookoo's Nest, we found by pure chance. I came upon the website when we were looking for alternatives to Apo if the weather did not cooperate, and although the website photos were pretty good, the real thing was so much better. Kookoo's Nest is just around the bend from Tambobo Bay ( it's actually on the Tambobo Bay vicinity already, but it has it's own cove, which adds to the seclusion). Finding Kookoo's Nest can be quite a challenge, since all you can see from above is the entrance to the car port.

A lone yellow sign stands next to the series of cement steps that will lead you to the cove, where the main entrance and the cottages are.

The resort is owned by an English couple, Jamie and Nikki Ingram. Nikki Ingram used to be a professional caterer back in England, which is why the food is so great. The menu is mostly European and American, since the majority of visitors are yatch owners, divers, and backpackers. On the day of our visit, we were the only Pinoys there, which was kind of unnerving. Most guests are Germans, Irish, or English, and they're all very friendly. However, they do give off this vibe that all they want to do is sit and read a good book or sunbathe... none of the noisy chatter and music that you see in most resorts here... Kookoo's Nest is really quiet, which I think is exactly how the foreigners like it.
They also offer PADI diving courses for those who want to get a license or upgrade...Jamie Ingram is a PADI instructor, and the house reef is located just a few meters from the beach.

The Beach

Cottages dot the cove and they have names like Toko, Hibiscus, Driftwood, and Kingfisher. They go for 800 PHP to around 1200 PHP or higher, depending on the size.

Another attraction is Barney, the resident Golden Retriver who likes to take a dip in the water as much as the humans do. He's very friendly.

Barney

Mistook A Friend for Gay: Another "Oooops!" Moment

I was very confident as I typed the question that was burning to be asked. " Ummm, I hope you don't mind, but hearing that you used to have a girlfriend, it's so hard to believe! Dba you're gay?"

Now people who ask these types of questions can easily be judged as those whom the Lord passed over when He distributed tact, grace, and good manners to the rest of the human population. But I had known this person for months, and never did I think, not even for a single moment, that he was straight. So there went the question. And there went the conversation. It was the prolonged and uneasy silence that made me realize that something was wrong, that perhaps, I had made a mistake.

I debated logging off and forever disappearing into the cracks and holes of cyberspace or waiting for his reply, which could contain either of these answers: a.) Yes, I had a girlfriend, but that was before I discovered that I was gay, or b.) "Whoa, I'm not gay! What made you say that?"

And to my chagrin, he chose to reply with the later. This sent me frantically wracking my brain for some sort of apology. How do you apologize for mistaking someone for gay? It was a good thing that he took it all in stride, and later informed me that I was not the first one to notice it. A friend of his had also told him that his texts can easily be mistaken for gay (but he's not, by the way). It's just in the way that he talks, texts, and emails. But apart from that, he's a straight as they come. Not that there'd be anything wrong if he turned out to be gay. At one point, he jokingly said " Sige nalang gud, bayot nalang gud ko!", which left me more confused, until he sent me an email explicitly telling me that he was not gay. Problem solved. Still, the incident left my old gaydar out of whack. I was SO sure that he was gay. I spent months referring to him as my 'gay' friend!

What made him think he was gay? It was partially the way he talked. Gay people have their own lingo, and although he was not swimming in it, it certainly sounded like he had a foot in the water. And I have lots of gay friends, which, as I have unfortunately found out, does not necessarily translate to having ultra sensitive gaydar.

It was like an inversion of an old Will and Grace episode, where Will tell's Grace that he's gay. Only in my case, Will is telling Grace that he's not.

Lesson? Egad, never assume, not about gay guys, or straight ones, or anything, for the matter. Sure enough, I made an ass out of myself when I popped that question. It's only by sheer luck that my friend is one of those rare people who can forgive and forget. I'm just happy that he's not currently sharing the same Zip code with me, or else I 'd have one very angry, very straight guy wanting to skin me alive.